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Perfection is my controlling demon.

Years I've been so hard to myself without realizing it. Recently I discovered what I was doing wrong ;  what I was doing to myself. This is how this demon makes me feel, how it would look like in a piece of art. 


 I always found the human body very interesting, so complex. Using the human body to explain situations as the demon perfection. 

 People that I love for so many years say that I have this negative sides which I never take them as a motivation to change or  acknowledged them at least.  I always thought they were wrong or it got me to the point as recent events to isolate myself. I felt I can't be how they want me to be. Perfection is my demon that I want to control everything. 

 This "OCD"  is more intense when I want to become a part of someones life. My obsession to be in there life and become there ideal type. For example, a boy/girl they are into specific kind of girls,music,style anything they are into I try to become that as a consequence I lose myself. 

I got to the point that I don't know who I am. What are my interests? Do I like photography? , What's my passion?

Going though therapy and try to understand what I'm doing wrong I started realizing what I was doing. I still do. That is the most scariest thing ; seen your flaws that you had for so long but you were too blind to see them/ notice them. 

How I work :


This two work got the most interest in me. How do I liked them to the perfection?

Sexuality has drastically expand this years manipulating our minds and make us think pointing needles or drop burning wax on our body is hot. Facial abuse became something sexy, chocking is sexy.  As much as this concept could be interesting to try out or attractive , sometimes seeing it online  seems disturbing, abusive in a way.

The man controls, always leads in adult films. The woman are the submissive ones, be positioned. 

"Perfection is fucking me"

3. To hold you.

4.To bleed you.

5.To touch you.

7.To ice you.

13.To kill you.

     Spit- Earth

Those were Wolfson 's words coming out from the Manic/Love puppet boy's mouth.

From  those words somebody will think either is an obsessive relationship who one of them are sick jealous of their partner, but on the other hand someone will think it represents  Earth and how abusive we are to Planet Earth since is says at the end spit earth and parts that says 18.To weight you; it might means material goods (gold, food etc.)

But I was always into conflict and messed up scenarios which Wolfson was linked with a movie called Clockwork orange. The movie is mostly disturbing to watch taking the point were the crew was saving someone from rape but they are the ones that they do it too, its also really confusing. The cinematographic aspect of it,directing with the abusive/ violence was blending nicely.My opinion about showing disturbing images with low quality of  equipment  or make it as a very dirty , messy image it looks more intense, more stressful because is not a clear view. for instance everything in the dark is more scary; horror movies are supposed to be watched at night it increase the suspense.

My sketches:

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I feel like somebody is chocking me, somebody is undressing me without my permission.Chains and robes are tied around my body unable to move, my mouth covered; hard for me to talk. Here I am like a piece of nothing, like a piece of meat hanging ready to be used. 

(Red symbolize Perfection)

This is painful. The only solution I could think of is isolation. I wanted to be alone so I will not have anyone anymore to abuse me, to rape me, to use me. Stopping the violence that is come for my soul.

Perfection is so ruthless. She is always there but once you notice her you can fight her. 

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Adult films links with this demon. Gag balls, facial abuse, chains. The submissive feeling is so strong. Perfection makes you do things that are incredibly non-logical.  You are a puppet; perfection is control your moves by the chains connected on your body and mind.

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Toshio Saeki 

This concept of BDSM reminds me of an illustrator that I've been admiring his work because he use sexual idea of BDSM and sex in general and make this twisted ideas/ concepts.His name is Toshio Saeki and among other artist that have been as influences such as Pachu M. Torres,Smithe  and last Shintaro Kago.

I find Toshio Saeki's work quite funny because of his weird concepts. And the pain that shows to each work is a similarity of Perfection.

Pachu M. Torres since I couldn't find a lot about the artist in comparison of Toshio I  just kept him in my research file because of this colour ideas and the ideal BDSM concept and how much more realistic it is.


Pashu M. Torres


Shintaro Kago

Shintaro's particular work seems to me a different way to show mental disorder. It almost remind me of how anxiety attacks feels like , would look like.As well as Smithe work. Having the body and the face extend as they are robots. It makes me think of the numbness that you feel. The stoned feeling that everything on your body losing up. Also, the robotic effect that give this futuristic vibe into makes quite interesting it could be linked as something that is been control. We make them, we control them.



My sketch: If I could explain in with just lines.

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If Perfection was creature/ human 


I got some feedback from my course-mates.


Initial reaction to work- what does it make you think of?


  • Bondage/ emotional ties

  • Sexuality 

  • Nervous Systems 

  • Female Body/Human form/Gender Representation 

 Who is this for? Is there an audience or is it for the artist?


  • A little of both. If dominates the space and insaiding  the room.However it also seems personal.

What does it says​ 'no' to? Are any conventions being broken?Are there any RISKS being taken?

  • Th obvious sexual done of the work could be risky. The dominance.

  • it says no to traditional hanging of paintings or artwork.

I was expecting comments like this and is good that the message is somehow spread that is about dominance. The hiding parts shows the actions of being against of been used/ harmed. Self-defense. The line show the vibrations of the body. The face is drawn in a more futuristic way to show the controlling aspect.

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